Category Archives: Blatherings

Blinded By My Tears

Posted on May 23, 2014 | 9 comments

tears_n_pain I have been waiting since December 2013 to have my follow-up heart cath. It has been a grueling wait, and after two postponements (we drove up on Monday for a Tuesday appt. I got in and they could not do the test because no one told me to stop taking one of my meds.) So we came home on Tuesday and drove back on Wednesday for a Thursday test.

We have been so optimistic about the results because I feel better.

Yesterday at Mayo I finally had my right heart cath. The goal was for my lung pressures to be lower. As they were in the beginning, they would not put me on the transplant list because my lungs would ruin a new heart. So they did the test and when it was all said and done, the pressures were down, but not far enough.

It was all I could do not to burst into tears right there on the gurney. My stomach turned over and my mouth went dry. All I could think of was having to live with this damn pump for longer. It is what keeps me alive, literally, and yet it causes me the greatest amount of pain. I’ve started having panic attacks again and I just want my life back.

The doctor tried to cheeer me up and he did his best to keep it positive, but I all I kept hearing was “not low enough.” Still not qualifying for the list is just not an option and I am not sure how to deal with the disappointment.

I am tired of crying.

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Posted in Blatherings, Heart Healthy Living

Hurry Up and Wait

Posted on April 25, 2014 | 1 comment

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Well, this week is ending on a high note. Oh wait, that’s a scream of frustration. Spoke with my (TC) transplant coordinator this morning and they have changed my Heart Cath test until May 20th. It’s only 3 weeks, but it will seem like forever. I am not very good at patience and this one is really hard.

TC says this is good because they want my knee to be much more healed and me being in better physical condition for the test. I get it, but I am not happy.

This week has been particularly difficult as it has a lot of focus o my mother. The 27th will be one year since she passed. I never would have imagined I would miss her this much. I actually have nightmares about disappointing her and letting her down. Those of you who know us can appreciate the irony in that. I think that the more I talk about her, the less angry I become. So many things I still don’t understand, but I am realizing there isnothing I can do about them now.

Proform Hybrid Trainer

Finally getting settled in the house. Still somewhat difficult to get around without getting hung up on stuff, but it’s getting easier each day. Yesterday the world’s greatest neighbor came over and helped hubby put together our new Hybrid Trainer. Once the knee is a little better, I will get on that horse and get into shape. I want to make that Mayo Cardio Rehab team proud. And myself.

I can also tell you that it feels great to be back to work. Being able to concentrate a bit more is a good thing. Oh and I watched birds having sex in my back yard…or maybe just fighting…hard to tell. LOL

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Posted in Blatherings, Heart Healthy Living, Just for Fun

A Doctor with Ethics?

Posted on April 22, 2014 | 3 comments

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Could it be true? Don’t get me wrong. I have been fairy pleased with my cardio doctors over the past few years. A few complaints, but overall. I do feel like I have made a few trips to the offices for little or no reason. But isn’t that what doctors do?

For the record, I am most pleased with my transplant team at Mayo in Jacksonville.

But since I am back in Orlando I had to make an appointment to see my regular cardio doc. So I make an appointment for today and I am all set to go. Then I get a phone call from the Orlando Heart LVAD center and the gal tells me that my cardio doctor has contacted them and that she is not familiar enough witht the LVAD or comfortable with treating me. She rescheduled my appointment with an LVAD doc in the same building and at the same time. She did this without having me come in to see her and charging me an office visit. I am impressed.

heart-ribbon As for my fall on Monday night, I have several new lumps and brusies, but nothing serious. I hurt like hell, but don’t seem to have done too much damage to the bad knee. Thank goodness.