I Sorta Kinda Wanted to Write This (Guest: Alan Cook)

I don’t text or tweet but I can see how using abbreviations and shortcuts while texting or tweeting can be helpful. I usually write complete sentences in emails, but if others don’t want to that’s fine. But as the son of an English teacher, I’d like to complain about the state of oral conversation, from newscasters on down to college graduates.

This situation with the way we speak English these days has been kind of nagging at me and I sort of wanted to write a little bit about it, but I’ve been, you know, kind of busy, and like, I haven’t been able to find the time.

The other day I did something for a man and he said “Thank you” and I said “No problem” and he said “Whatever happened to ‘You’re welcome?’” and I said “No problem,” because I didn’t know what else to say.

I’m pretty good at doing good deeds for people. A woman at the market was, you know, having trouble with a grocery cart and I said, “Can I help you?” and she said, “I don’t know, can you?” so I slapped her since she was being kind of a wiseacre.

The sun was warm and it was a pretty amazing day out so my wife and I went to the museum and we saw the most unique exhibit I’ve ever seen. It was, you know, one of those dinosaurs who was like, kind of big, like a T-Rex, and he was eating this other guy who was laying on the ground. I’m not lying when I say that. But I can tell you that if I met a T-Rex in real life I’d be a little bit scared because he was sort of awesome.

So that’s the, you know, reason I haven’t been working on this English project, because I’ve been, like, kind of busy, but I expect to do it soon, and when you read it you’ll say, “Wow, this Cook writes pretty unique stuff. He is amazing.”

Alan Cook began writing books after he abandoned the computer industry (or it abandoned him). He is the author of eight mystery novels. He has won two Silver Quill awards from the American Authors Association and two best geographical location awards from Reader Views. His latest mystery, Forget to Remember, features a young woman with amnesia. She is declared to be a non-person by the government and someone may be trying to kill her. Alan lives with his wife on a hill in Southern California. His website is http://alancook.50megs.com

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Carol Golden isn’t her real name. She doesn’t remember her real name or anything that happened before she was found in a Dumpster, naked and unconscious, on the beautiful Palos Verdes Peninsula in Southern California.

After helping her get some initial medical treatment, government at all levels officially declares her a non-person and doesn’t want anything more to do with her. She can’t work because she doesn’t have a Social Security number, which she can’t get because she doesn’t have a birth certificate. She can’t get a driver’s license, and, having no I.D. she can’t fly.
Fortunately, she receives help from Rigo Ramirez, the young man who found her, and his family. Frances Moran, a genetic genealogist who is an expert at identifying and finding people using DNA and the Internet, offers her services, but nobody appears to be looking for Carol. Nobody, that is, except whoever left her for dead. Is this person going to return to finish the job?
Carol must overcome the obstacles placed in her path by an unfeeling bureaucracy while she searches for clues to her identity. If the law doesn’t protect her, why should she stay within the law? In addition, as her situation gets publicized, the risk of her attacker finding out that she’s still alive increases.
Carol discovers that she’s an “action kind of girl” who doesn’t take kindly to being told what she can’t do, which is just about everything. She realizes that if she’s going to find out who she is, she has to travel to the East Coast and England and do whatever else needs to be done, regardless of the risks.

2 responses to “I Sorta Kinda Wanted to Write This (Guest: Alan Cook)

  1. I haven’t actually said LOL yet, but I use it a fair amount. Especially in my teen fiction now.

    It is kind of interesting to see where things are headed.

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Like, OMG! That is the awesomest blog post eva!

    I agree the English language has seen better days. Drives me nuts sometimes, however I also tend to find myself mangling it on occasion as well. Okay, I do it a lot.
    The short forms really get me. The other day I actually said ‘LOL’ instead of laughing. Strange times…strange times…

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