SLAP!

That was the sound of reality up against my face.

It was suggested to me that I use my Blog as a place to vent and log the journey I am on. I kind of have already been doing that, but a lot of the time I try to keep it a little upbeat. Not having that many good days, so there may be a lot of whining. Please don’t feel the need to respond to everything, I just need to talk it out.

I spent this past week up at Mayo. I went for my bi-weekly visit. It was a series of UP and DOWNS (note the lack of plurality on the UP). I have been battling some major depression lately, Saturday night was a meltdown of EPIC proportions. Worst one yet. But like all the others before it, I am working to move past it.

UP:

I got the approval from the cardiac surgeon to use my shower bag. Which means I will be able to shower. It won’t be easy and it won’t be often, but it will be!!!

DOWN:

I’ve been feeling sick the last week or so and a CT Scan that they took on Tuesday showed the beginning stages of pneumonia in my lungs. Woohoo.

Had to have (1) weekly blood draw (2) had to get an IV (3) had to have blood drawn to do bacterial cultures. Not a happy camper because I am seriously running out of veins for them to roll and blow.

Had to do a basic Oxygen study overnight Tuesday. Discovered that my oxygen drops down below 60 when I am sleeping and rarely makes it above 82 when I am awake. This lead me to the sleep center where I had to be under direct observation for the night while they did a sleep study. When it was all said and done, they determined I had severe sleep apnea. I stopped breathing and average of 61 times an hour. So I will be going to get fitted for my new CPAP.

And my favorite: Someone actually said what I had not heard directly since this all began. “Karen, the sooner you accept the fact that even with the LVAD, you are in ‘End stage heart failure”, the sooner you can start learning to work on your quality of life.

Well, there you go. I know I am sick, I get it, but to hear someone say so bluntly was devastating all over again.